http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24598508/
The Vatican's top astronomer has given a hearty two thumbs up to the belief that extra-terrestrial life could exist on other planets due to the universe's enormity and the limitless power of God's creativity.
Reverend Funes is the director of the Vatican Observatory (which immediately springs to mind a giant eyeball ... quite like Sauron's in Lord of the Rings ... *cough* ... Holy See, indeed....), and believes that alien life would not contradict the Catholic faith.
Had this been the 17th century, Funes would probably have been burned at the stake or placed under house arrest like Galileo for his astronomical views. But in an age where pollution is a sin and indulgences are just an old-fashioned fad, perhaps it is time to readjust our telescopes to see how religion, science, and reality can become the new holy trinity of the 21st century.
Following the precedent of the Vatican, we can expect to see a religious race into the galaxy quite like the great space race of the 1960s -- except this time it will be with the Pope at the helm ... like Jean-Luc Picard with a very tall head-piece.
***Space ... the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Vatican-O ... Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds (provided they do not challenge its theology or doctrine), to seek out new life and new civilizations (unless they are witches, in which case teleport some more firewood), to boldly go where no Pope has gone before!!! (excluding nude-y bars and 3-star hotels) ***
Bishop #1: "Captain!!! We have an enemy craft approaching sector 8.27"
Pope: "On screen."
***appears a tan, muscular man with elaborate machinery in shades of pink and lavender scantily covering his private parts***
Homo-Borg #1: "We are the Homo-Borg. You cannot resist us. You will be ASSimilated. Resistance is futile."
***the two spacecrafts exchange firepower of holy water, rainbow-painted missiles, crucifixes, CDs of ABBA and the YMCA, flaming candles, and Martinis***
Yikes!!!
Upon discovery of intelligent alien life, the Pope descends from his spaceship and extends his arms ... "I have come to bring you the good news of a savior who is a carbon-based life-form completely dissimilar from you and everything you know -- but nevertheless you must believe in him or perish in the fire of eternal damnation ..."
Upon quick review of the Church's oopsies! and boo-boos! during the Inquisition and the unfortunate killings and blatant corruptions throughout its history, the aliens decide that the best course of action would be to vaporize the Silly-Hat Man immediately and then go get some breakfast.
Perhaps we should hold off on the whole "intergalactic missionary work" thing for right now, and concentrate on things closer to home. After all Mr. Pope, things like Mars, Jupiter- hell, even Uranus- are yet to be explored ...
Showing posts with label current events. Show all posts
Showing posts with label current events. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Water into wine ... and beer
Express, April 22, 2008
"Tapping the Keg of Life"
Beer was on tap as a new church held its inaugural service in a Sidney, Ohio, bar. The bar-room church is an offshoot of Sidney United First Methodist Church, whose head pastor says he's been looking for creative ways to reach people. The church's Web site for its new branch advertises "Top regional bands, pizza, wings, rowdy fun and a short message." The Rev. Chris Heckaman's sermon compared staying on the bar's mechanical bull to learning how to get along in life.
Church website- http://www.sidneyfirst.com/Discover/CountryRockChurch/tabid/140/Default.aspx
OH MY GOD ... where do I begin?
A few months ago I wrote a blog about a minister who challenged the married couples of his congregation to have sex every night for 30 days ... and now we are worshipping in a bar. Reverend Heckaman, head of the church sipping the head of his beer, has decided that alcohol consumption is definitely the new direction for Methodists.
Just imagine ... for communion there will be shot glasses filled with Bloody Marys, bar nuts will replace the body of Christ (why not?! he never used his own!), and the choir will take a back seat (or stool) to the whims of drunken karaoke-ers singing "Summer Lovin' ... from Jesus ".
I suppose that regular church protocol would not apply to congregants while worshipping in a bar; it doesn't matter whether you're standing, sitting, or kneeling since the room is spinning anyway. Baptisms will be replaced by the minister gently lowering the person's head back and letting them chug directly from the keg. And the following morning, people won't know if that pain in their head was caused by an atrocious hangover or from the smack they received when filled with the spirit.
One major concern is how to discern drunken bar-speech from those actually speaking in tongues. Put a little tequila in Granny McAllen and suddenly you can't tell the difference between her and an evangelical on speed. Once she starts dancing around and raising her hands in the air ... well, let's just say y'all better move the darts out of the way in case she decides to smite the wicked.
While the bar is hushed in reverence during quiet prayer time, one can't help but be distracted by the sound of someone blowing chunks loudly in the restroom, reminding us all that everything- even communion- should be taken in moderation.
And then the sermon- "Life is like riding a mechanical bull". What, if you continue doing something for only 8 seconds you get a medal? Life is full of bullshit? Life can can make your ass sore? (giggle)
Finally the reverend makes one "last call !!!" for congregants to come to the front to accept forgiveness -- your sins are now washed away, compliments of Smirnoff.
Go in peace. Amen. And call a cab ...
"Tapping the Keg of Life"
Beer was on tap as a new church held its inaugural service in a Sidney, Ohio, bar. The bar-room church is an offshoot of Sidney United First Methodist Church, whose head pastor says he's been looking for creative ways to reach people. The church's Web site for its new branch advertises "Top regional bands, pizza, wings, rowdy fun and a short message." The Rev. Chris Heckaman's sermon compared staying on the bar's mechanical bull to learning how to get along in life.
Church website- http://www.sidneyfirst.com/Discover/CountryRockChurch/tabid/140/Default.aspx
OH MY GOD ... where do I begin?
A few months ago I wrote a blog about a minister who challenged the married couples of his congregation to have sex every night for 30 days ... and now we are worshipping in a bar. Reverend Heckaman, head of the church sipping the head of his beer, has decided that alcohol consumption is definitely the new direction for Methodists.
Just imagine ... for communion there will be shot glasses filled with Bloody Marys, bar nuts will replace the body of Christ (why not?! he never used his own!), and the choir will take a back seat (or stool) to the whims of drunken karaoke-ers singing "Summer Lovin' ... from Jesus ".
I suppose that regular church protocol would not apply to congregants while worshipping in a bar; it doesn't matter whether you're standing, sitting, or kneeling since the room is spinning anyway. Baptisms will be replaced by the minister gently lowering the person's head back and letting them chug directly from the keg. And the following morning, people won't know if that pain in their head was caused by an atrocious hangover or from the smack they received when filled with the spirit.
One major concern is how to discern drunken bar-speech from those actually speaking in tongues. Put a little tequila in Granny McAllen and suddenly you can't tell the difference between her and an evangelical on speed. Once she starts dancing around and raising her hands in the air ... well, let's just say y'all better move the darts out of the way in case she decides to smite the wicked.
While the bar is hushed in reverence during quiet prayer time, one can't help but be distracted by the sound of someone blowing chunks loudly in the restroom, reminding us all that everything- even communion- should be taken in moderation.
And then the sermon- "Life is like riding a mechanical bull". What, if you continue doing something for only 8 seconds you get a medal? Life is full of bullshit? Life can can make your ass sore? (giggle)
Finally the reverend makes one "last call !!!" for congregants to come to the front to accept forgiveness -- your sins are now washed away, compliments of Smirnoff.
Go in peace. Amen. And call a cab ...
Monday, April 21, 2008
Polk County - a news magnet
"The National Face of Polk County"
http://www.theledger.com/article/20080420/COLUMNISTS0301/804200330
A recent article in the Lakeland Ledger, Polk County's finest news source (their coverage of the 1987 Lake Morton mysterious swan disappearance is legendary, almost got the Pulitzer), came about in response to the the surge of negative press surrounding the P.C. in recent months.
Lakeland, my home town, has gained national attention due to a YouTube video that shows some white-trash girls beating up a fellow cheerleader, smacking her around a good few times, and having a jolly laugh about the whole thing. Slapping, shoving, and punching are Polk County's preferred methods of conflict resolution, and can often be observed in vivo at home during domestic disputes and then reproduced for the general public via networking sites.
The author's biggest complaint in her article was the shocking "cheap shots" other newspaper giants and news sources around the country have taken when describing Polk County, namely-- "rural Florida" and "Lakeland, a lower-middle-class town".
Well guess what? Polk County IS rural, the opposite of urban (New York, LA, Chicago), and it IS a lower-middle-class town (and the last thing those cheerleaders had was class!).
But why get caught up in labels for a county that has violent cheerleaders, cop killings (which resulted in the suspect's untimely death by a disturbing 110 shots fired by authorities ... apparently 100 bullets aren't enough to kill someone?), and bloody parent-butcherings. Hey, what can you expect from an urban upper-class town like Lakeland???
A general search for Polk County on CNN.com reveals its impact on a national level:
April 10 - YouTube video cheerleaders could get life in prison
Feb 16 - The North Illinois University shooter's father lives in Lakeland, FL
Oct 6 - Registered sex-offender in Polk County arrested for allegedly luring a 15-year-old girl through MySpace
Sept 29 - "Florida police kill suspect in deputy's slaying" ... (referenced above) I'd like to call attention to the word "suspect", I'm just saying ...
Sept 13 - "Judge warns victims' mother not to cry on stand" ... oh yeah SURE she's only telling about how she came upon the bloodied bodies of her children, how inappropriate to tear up over that ...
There are more, but I got bored ...
How can one small county gain such infamy? Perhaps the Ledger article should be re-named "The National Egg-on-Face of Polk County" ...
http://www.theledger.com/article/20080420/COLUMNISTS0301/804200330
A recent article in the Lakeland Ledger, Polk County's finest news source (their coverage of the 1987 Lake Morton mysterious swan disappearance is legendary, almost got the Pulitzer), came about in response to the the surge of negative press surrounding the P.C. in recent months.
Lakeland, my home town, has gained national attention due to a YouTube video that shows some white-trash girls beating up a fellow cheerleader, smacking her around a good few times, and having a jolly laugh about the whole thing. Slapping, shoving, and punching are Polk County's preferred methods of conflict resolution, and can often be observed in vivo at home during domestic disputes and then reproduced for the general public via networking sites.
The author's biggest complaint in her article was the shocking "cheap shots" other newspaper giants and news sources around the country have taken when describing Polk County, namely-- "rural Florida" and "Lakeland, a lower-middle-class town".
Well guess what? Polk County IS rural, the opposite of urban (New York, LA, Chicago), and it IS a lower-middle-class town (and the last thing those cheerleaders had was class!).
But why get caught up in labels for a county that has violent cheerleaders, cop killings (which resulted in the suspect's untimely death by a disturbing 110 shots fired by authorities ... apparently 100 bullets aren't enough to kill someone?), and bloody parent-butcherings. Hey, what can you expect from an urban upper-class town like Lakeland???
A general search for Polk County on CNN.com reveals its impact on a national level:
April 10 - YouTube video cheerleaders could get life in prison
Feb 16 - The North Illinois University shooter's father lives in Lakeland, FL
Oct 6 - Registered sex-offender in Polk County arrested for allegedly luring a 15-year-old girl through MySpace
Sept 29 - "Florida police kill suspect in deputy's slaying" ... (referenced above) I'd like to call attention to the word "suspect", I'm just saying ...
Sept 13 - "Judge warns victims' mother not to cry on stand" ... oh yeah SURE she's only telling about how she came upon the bloodied bodies of her children, how inappropriate to tear up over that ...
There are more, but I got bored ...
How can one small county gain such infamy? Perhaps the Ledger article should be re-named "The National Egg-on-Face of Polk County" ...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
A visit of Papal proportions
"I know we've come so far, but we've got so far to go ..." -- Hairspray
Radio, TV, internet sites and almost every news source have gone ga-ga over the Pontiff's arrival in America - quite like a mob of jittery Japanese teenage girls trailing after Justin Timberlake. It is inescapable- the only competition for some limelight on CNN is the presidential election, and probably only because the primaries are beginning to resemble a WWF match ("you BITTER frigid bitch!" followed by Obama-bitch-slap).
WE GET IT ... the Pope is here. He's old, he's introverted, and he has never had sex. Talk about a crowd-pleaser!
And what a busy schedule for an aging direct link to god ... birthday at the White House, visits to Catholic University, mass at the National's Stadium ("Play ball !!! Just not with his !!!) ... and all the while he is rebuking the American priest sex scandals and hoping to reunify the Church and abate declining revenue.
In his pre-Pope days, Ratzinger ... which incidentally sounds like the name of a villain in some Disney film (and prompting me to coin the phrase "I don't give a Ratzinger's ass about the Pope coming to town") ... had a notorious anti-gay record of denouncements and blatantly discriminatory acts of Vatican law. And so his arrival in DC could not be met with less scorn on my part.
Ratzinger's paw prints have plagued numerous documents issued by the Vatican declaring its stance on homosexuality- not only in homosexual practice but also in terms of support, i.e. non-discriminatory behaviors. Ratzinger's influence in several Vatican organizations has resulted in statements such as- "the Church may not admit to the seminary and Holy Orders those who practice homosexuality, show profoundly deep-rooted homosexual tendencies, or support the so-called gay culture".
How about some more Vatican statements: "There are areas in which it is not unjust discrimination to take sexual orientation into account" - namely: adoption, education, medical (contagious diseases), and mentally ill persons.
The Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith (led by Ratzy) stated in 1992 that homosexuality itself "must be seen as an objective disorder". Well ... as an aspiring clinician, the only real disorders I can see are a lack of compassion, an inability to tolerate/appreciate differences, and the audacity to use religious doctrine in masking personal agendas which consistently fuel discrimination on all levels of society.
It's just plain gross.
I remember when the new Pontiff was elected- I was living in Rome at that time, not even 2 miles from the Vatican where all the whoop-de-do was occurring. Thousands of people had come to pay their tributes to the recently deceased Pope, and thousands more gathered in St. Peter's Square to welcome Benedict as the new head of the Catholic Church.
During the service, I was jogging on a treadmill in an empty gym that was normally bustling with Italian life. Everyone had gone to St. Peter's to get a glimpse of the new Pope ... quite like the masses that will descend upon DC in the next few days, trailing him like group-ies, following in his footsteps...
I just pray that most of us are truly wise enough not to follow in those footsteps ...
Radio, TV, internet sites and almost every news source have gone ga-ga over the Pontiff's arrival in America - quite like a mob of jittery Japanese teenage girls trailing after Justin Timberlake. It is inescapable- the only competition for some limelight on CNN is the presidential election, and probably only because the primaries are beginning to resemble a WWF match ("you BITTER frigid bitch!" followed by Obama-bitch-slap).
WE GET IT ... the Pope is here. He's old, he's introverted, and he has never had sex. Talk about a crowd-pleaser!
And what a busy schedule for an aging direct link to god ... birthday at the White House, visits to Catholic University, mass at the National's Stadium ("Play ball !!! Just not with his !!!) ... and all the while he is rebuking the American priest sex scandals and hoping to reunify the Church and abate declining revenue.
In his pre-Pope days, Ratzinger ... which incidentally sounds like the name of a villain in some Disney film (and prompting me to coin the phrase "I don't give a Ratzinger's ass about the Pope coming to town") ... had a notorious anti-gay record of denouncements and blatantly discriminatory acts of Vatican law. And so his arrival in DC could not be met with less scorn on my part.
Ratzinger's paw prints have plagued numerous documents issued by the Vatican declaring its stance on homosexuality- not only in homosexual practice but also in terms of support, i.e. non-discriminatory behaviors. Ratzinger's influence in several Vatican organizations has resulted in statements such as- "the Church may not admit to the seminary and Holy Orders those who practice homosexuality, show profoundly deep-rooted homosexual tendencies, or support the so-called gay culture".
How about some more Vatican statements: "There are areas in which it is not unjust discrimination to take sexual orientation into account" - namely: adoption, education, medical (contagious diseases), and mentally ill persons.
The Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith (led by Ratzy) stated in 1992 that homosexuality itself "must be seen as an objective disorder". Well ... as an aspiring clinician, the only real disorders I can see are a lack of compassion, an inability to tolerate/appreciate differences, and the audacity to use religious doctrine in masking personal agendas which consistently fuel discrimination on all levels of society.
It's just plain gross.
I remember when the new Pontiff was elected- I was living in Rome at that time, not even 2 miles from the Vatican where all the whoop-de-do was occurring. Thousands of people had come to pay their tributes to the recently deceased Pope, and thousands more gathered in St. Peter's Square to welcome Benedict as the new head of the Catholic Church.
During the service, I was jogging on a treadmill in an empty gym that was normally bustling with Italian life. Everyone had gone to St. Peter's to get a glimpse of the new Pope ... quite like the masses that will descend upon DC in the next few days, trailing him like group-ies, following in his footsteps...
I just pray that most of us are truly wise enough not to follow in those footsteps ...
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The Confederate Flag and Floridian Ignorance
I know, I know!!! Silly to put a redundancy in the title of this blog (hint- it is not "confederate flag"), but I mention the great Sunshine State only because it is the newest state to consider issuing Confederate Heritage License Plates (http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/02/fla-legislator.html). Proceeds go to the Sons of Confederate Veterans (Florida division: http://www.florida-scv.org/index.htm).
Hmm ...
According to the main SCV webpage, "The citizen-soldiers who fought for the Confederacy personified the best qualities of America. The preservation of liberty and freedom was the motivating factor in the South's decision to fight the Second American Revolution. The tenacity with which Confederate soldiers fought underscored their belief in the rights guaranteed by the Constitution. These attributes are the underpinning of our democratic society and represent the foundation on which this nation was built."
Now, I know that the Civil War was fought for reasons in addition to slavery, but I think we can agree that Abraham Lincoln and slavery are the first images that come to mind when we mention the Confederacy.
And so, a few comments on the SCV's opening paragraph:
(1) "Liberty and freedom"- for WHO? The irony ...
(2) "Rights guaranteed by the Constitution"- now I don't remember my high school government classes all that well, but I do recall something our founding fathers said about "promote the general welfare", which I assume can be applied to all persons regardless of color ... hmmm perhaps the Constitution has footnotes or clauses I am unaware of?
(3) "The foundation on which this nation was built"- yes, a racist foundation that continues to divide and weaken American communities to this very day. Lovely.
I believe in honoring those who gave their lives fighting for what they believed to be moral and true. I believe in looking at history that is not written by the "winners". Most of all, I do believe in preserving history-- but only as a means to remind us of past mistakes in an effort to improve ourselves as a humane and justice-seeking nation (obviously Vietnam didn't do the trick).
The Confederate flag is a significant feature of American history. It is also one that represents a very dark period of time in the collective consciousness of present-day Americans. The pink triangle, once a horrid mark used to identify gays in concentration camps, is now used with pride and assertion in the gay community. However, the Confederate flag is a different kettle of fish (and I really wonder where that expression comes from).
Furthermore, the Sons of Confederate Veterans will only accept people to be members that are "male descendants of any veteran who served honorably in the Confederate armed forces".
Now wait a minute ... isn't this aforementioned "democratic society", one that boasts such supreme qualities and values, made up of men and women of almost every race and nationality? Aren't all of these persons able to unite beneath a banner that promotes its ideals as the foundation of our country? A country in which all of these persons live, work, and have families???
And lastly:
Charge to the Sons of Confederate Veterans
"To you, Sons of Confederate Veterans, we will commit the vindication of the cause for which we fought. To your strength will be given the defense of the Confederate soldier's good name, the guardianship of his history, the emulation of his virtues, the perpetuation of those principles which he loved and which you love also, and those ideals which made him glorious and which you also cherish. Remember, it is your duty to see that the true history of the South is presented to future generations."
Lt. General Stephen Dill Lee, Commander General, United Confederate Veterans
New Orleans, Louisiana, April 25, 1906
************************
Please make the right decision, Florida, for once in your life.
Hmm ...
According to the main SCV webpage, "The citizen-soldiers who fought for the Confederacy personified the best qualities of America. The preservation of liberty and freedom was the motivating factor in the South's decision to fight the Second American Revolution. The tenacity with which Confederate soldiers fought underscored their belief in the rights guaranteed by the Constitution. These attributes are the underpinning of our democratic society and represent the foundation on which this nation was built."
Now, I know that the Civil War was fought for reasons in addition to slavery, but I think we can agree that Abraham Lincoln and slavery are the first images that come to mind when we mention the Confederacy.
And so, a few comments on the SCV's opening paragraph:
(1) "Liberty and freedom"- for WHO? The irony ...
(2) "Rights guaranteed by the Constitution"- now I don't remember my high school government classes all that well, but I do recall something our founding fathers said about "promote the general welfare", which I assume can be applied to all persons regardless of color ... hmmm perhaps the Constitution has footnotes or clauses I am unaware of?
(3) "The foundation on which this nation was built"- yes, a racist foundation that continues to divide and weaken American communities to this very day. Lovely.
I believe in honoring those who gave their lives fighting for what they believed to be moral and true. I believe in looking at history that is not written by the "winners". Most of all, I do believe in preserving history-- but only as a means to remind us of past mistakes in an effort to improve ourselves as a humane and justice-seeking nation (obviously Vietnam didn't do the trick).
The Confederate flag is a significant feature of American history. It is also one that represents a very dark period of time in the collective consciousness of present-day Americans. The pink triangle, once a horrid mark used to identify gays in concentration camps, is now used with pride and assertion in the gay community. However, the Confederate flag is a different kettle of fish (and I really wonder where that expression comes from).
Furthermore, the Sons of Confederate Veterans will only accept people to be members that are "male descendants of any veteran who served honorably in the Confederate armed forces".
Now wait a minute ... isn't this aforementioned "democratic society", one that boasts such supreme qualities and values, made up of men and women of almost every race and nationality? Aren't all of these persons able to unite beneath a banner that promotes its ideals as the foundation of our country? A country in which all of these persons live, work, and have families???
And lastly:
Charge to the Sons of Confederate Veterans
"To you, Sons of Confederate Veterans, we will commit the vindication of the cause for which we fought. To your strength will be given the defense of the Confederate soldier's good name, the guardianship of his history, the emulation of his virtues, the perpetuation of those principles which he loved and which you love also, and those ideals which made him glorious and which you also cherish. Remember, it is your duty to see that the true history of the South is presented to future generations."
Lt. General Stephen Dill Lee, Commander General, United Confederate Veterans
New Orleans, Louisiana, April 25, 1906
************************
Please make the right decision, Florida, for once in your life.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Thunder from down under
Article: http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3509263,00.html, entitled "Homosexual activity cause of earthquake, Shas MK says"
Sigh ... oh this is too much to pass up.
Apparently "homosexual activity", which can be broadly defined as any activity that a homosexual does (like public service, establishing a non-profit organization for education, and attending church), is the cause of a recent earthquake that has shaken several towns in Israel.
This particular earthquake only hit 5.3 on the Dickter scale (is that all? *disappointed* I need a measurement of at least 6.0 to get me going haha j/k), and lasted 19 seconds (typical *tsk*- all that trembling and then nothing!). This shift in the earth's tectonic plates is indickative of the consequences brought on by a country that is tolerating a gay movement (meaning limp wrists? I don't know...) that has been likened to the bird flu epidemic (what bird? a cock?).
Do whaaaat? The gay movement (and hell, we've been moving since the beginning of time!) is a "plague that could destroy Jewish Israel" and should be treated "just as the Health Ministry dealt with the bird flu epidemic." *car tires screeching to a halt*
Well, gay people have been victimized by oppression and attacks from "outside" peoples for centuries - of course a person who's Jewish wouldn't understand how that feels... *coughing profusely*
So how do we eradickate this most vile and dangerous disease? Well the last time Jewish people dealt with a ghastly plague they were protected by painting sheep's blood over their doorways (to which Mr. Sheep abruptly looks up and says "I beg your fuckin' pardon? Oh hell no! Baaaaaa!!!"). Suddenly an image of Moses came to me, him standing on a mountaintop stick-in-hand demanding "Let my homos go!"
Perhaps the persons who agree with this condemnation should reconsider the Old Testament passages that deal with the justification of slavery and limited women's rights? Yes, yes- "all of those are taken out of context". Yeah well, when y'all decide to stop playing scripture-a-la-carte with holy texts, you just let me know.
For serious, how much more ridickulous can this get? First gays are responsible for the burning of Sodom and incurring the wrath of god, and now we are to blame for natural-- err, I mean (super)natural disasters! Are we that powerful? Do we piss off the Creator that much?
Damn ... I should start building that ark I've been planning right away! First things first, though- I need a crew that's got plenty of seamen.
Sigh ... oh this is too much to pass up.
Apparently "homosexual activity", which can be broadly defined as any activity that a homosexual does (like public service, establishing a non-profit organization for education, and attending church), is the cause of a recent earthquake that has shaken several towns in Israel.
This particular earthquake only hit 5.3 on the Dickter scale (is that all? *disappointed* I need a measurement of at least 6.0 to get me going haha j/k), and lasted 19 seconds (typical *tsk*- all that trembling and then nothing!). This shift in the earth's tectonic plates is indickative of the consequences brought on by a country that is tolerating a gay movement (meaning limp wrists? I don't know...) that has been likened to the bird flu epidemic (what bird? a cock?).
Do whaaaat? The gay movement (and hell, we've been moving since the beginning of time!) is a "plague that could destroy Jewish Israel" and should be treated "just as the Health Ministry dealt with the bird flu epidemic." *car tires screeching to a halt*
Well, gay people have been victimized by oppression and attacks from "outside" peoples for centuries - of course a person who's Jewish wouldn't understand how that feels... *coughing profusely*
So how do we eradickate this most vile and dangerous disease? Well the last time Jewish people dealt with a ghastly plague they were protected by painting sheep's blood over their doorways (to which Mr. Sheep abruptly looks up and says "I beg your fuckin' pardon? Oh hell no! Baaaaaa!!!"). Suddenly an image of Moses came to me, him standing on a mountaintop stick-in-hand demanding "Let my homos go!"
Perhaps the persons who agree with this condemnation should reconsider the Old Testament passages that deal with the justification of slavery and limited women's rights? Yes, yes- "all of those are taken out of context". Yeah well, when y'all decide to stop playing scripture-a-la-carte with holy texts, you just let me know.
For serious, how much more ridickulous can this get? First gays are responsible for the burning of Sodom and incurring the wrath of god, and now we are to blame for natural-- err, I mean (super)natural disasters! Are we that powerful? Do we piss off the Creator that much?
Damn ... I should start building that ark I've been planning right away! First things first, though- I need a crew that's got plenty of seamen.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Sex in church
This week a particular headline turned heads (and heads) and almost slayed a few in the aisles with the story: "Minister urges congregation to have more sex".
Now, certainly the minister is leaving himself wiiiiiiide open (to altar boys?) to criticism and speculation about the appropriateness of the church barging down the bedroom door and discussing sexual issues with the general public (after all, sex is taboo- quite like molestation scandals and pastoral "conversion" therapy ... oh wait, both of those have to do with sex!).
The minister's rationale for his unexpected ejaculation from the pulpit is that divorce is on the rise, quite like his male congregants, and that the easiest solution to put out the flames of sin is to ignite the flames of marital passion (oxymoron? - oh, and who's hose is in charge of putting out? *ahem* I mean- putting out the fire?) for 30 days straight (emphasis on the word straight).
Certainly the Mormon males are starting to cringe ("Dammit, women, I need at least 20 minutes to recharge!"), and females across the country are considering the very same question- Doesn't that damn minister know about a lady's cycle? (perhaps he doesn't spend all THAT much time in bed with his wife, what a shocker)
Well naturally the minister's challenge to the congregation cums at a time when the church is battling to stay in the mainstream (yes, Hebrew fish, swim towards the egg silly!) and keep up with the competitive worldly pleasures that are all too familiar to us (like condoms, porn, and pre-commitment-ceremony sex).
Honestly, though- aren't we confusing the children that are being raised in the faith? Masturbation is bad, sex is good, but oh wait you have to be married, oh oh wait and you also have to be a man and woman, oh oh and ... Lord! I'm 27 and already with these rules I don't know my ass from my elbow (but I'm sure one of them has to do with sex, just ask the minister).
And why is it THIS particular headline making the news? What about the sermons and messages of all the other faiths around the country that are reminding us of peace, love, and friendliness to all mankind? (perhaps the sermon topics should be changed to "peace of ass", "making love", and "friendliness with benefits" -- CNN would be all over that like a prison gang on dropped soap)
So what's next? In depth discussion about the missionary position? Substituting hard liquor in those grape juice shot glasses on communion Sunday? Wet T-shirt competitions in the baptism pool?
Phew ... lucky I gave up abstinence for lent !!!
Now, certainly the minister is leaving himself wiiiiiiide open (to altar boys?) to criticism and speculation about the appropriateness of the church barging down the bedroom door and discussing sexual issues with the general public (after all, sex is taboo- quite like molestation scandals and pastoral "conversion" therapy ... oh wait, both of those have to do with sex!).
The minister's rationale for his unexpected ejaculation from the pulpit is that divorce is on the rise, quite like his male congregants, and that the easiest solution to put out the flames of sin is to ignite the flames of marital passion (oxymoron? - oh, and who's hose is in charge of putting out? *ahem* I mean- putting out the fire?) for 30 days straight (emphasis on the word straight).
Certainly the Mormon males are starting to cringe ("Dammit, women, I need at least 20 minutes to recharge!"), and females across the country are considering the very same question- Doesn't that damn minister know about a lady's cycle? (perhaps he doesn't spend all THAT much time in bed with his wife, what a shocker)
Well naturally the minister's challenge to the congregation cums at a time when the church is battling to stay in the mainstream (yes, Hebrew fish, swim towards the egg silly!) and keep up with the competitive worldly pleasures that are all too familiar to us (like condoms, porn, and pre-commitment-ceremony sex).
Honestly, though- aren't we confusing the children that are being raised in the faith? Masturbation is bad, sex is good, but oh wait you have to be married, oh oh wait and you also have to be a man and woman, oh oh and ... Lord! I'm 27 and already with these rules I don't know my ass from my elbow (but I'm sure one of them has to do with sex, just ask the minister).
And why is it THIS particular headline making the news? What about the sermons and messages of all the other faiths around the country that are reminding us of peace, love, and friendliness to all mankind? (perhaps the sermon topics should be changed to "peace of ass", "making love", and "friendliness with benefits" -- CNN would be all over that like a prison gang on dropped soap)
So what's next? In depth discussion about the missionary position? Substituting hard liquor in those grape juice shot glasses on communion Sunday? Wet T-shirt competitions in the baptism pool?
Phew ... lucky I gave up abstinence for lent !!!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Metro responds
Last week I wrote a blog about a very disturbing Metro experience that apparently isn't all that uncommon. After reading through some other blogs and news sources, it seems that Metro has faltered in several areas of customer safety. I wrote Metro with a formal complaint, and then forwarded that email to the Blade, Metro Weekly, and the GLBT Liaison Police.
I received a phone call from Metro 2 days after my email, and a very VERY professional and courteous man spent a good amount of time discussing the situation with me.
Basically, the Metro transit police has about 400 officers employed to monitor over 80 Metro stations, 1,600 bus lines, and over 100 miles of railways throughout DC and the metro area. He explained that their resources are spread thin, and so every Metro station cannot be manned with an officer at all times (I just realized how sexist the verb "to man" is ... correction-- "every Metro station cannot be person-ed with an officer"). Therefore, it is sometimes faster to get the train to the officers rather than get the officers to the train.
Staffing, budget constraints, etc. etc. etc. and certainly not the answer I wanted to hear. Unfortunately, there was absolutely nothing this man could do to magically fix the problem.
So money and staffing aside, my biggest concern was the lack of communication on the part of the train operator. If the train is being moved and transit police have been (or will be) notified, shouldn't the passenger(s) know about it? Wouldn't an announcement by the conductor potentially deter the harassers?
Mr. Red Line Security Manager Man said that this was definitely a concern of his, and they were currently using the information I provided to identify which operator was running the train at the time. I think he'll get in trouble, which I'm not too happy about, but safety supersedes my guilt and hopefully this operator will not make the same mistake again.
Metro's advice? Ride in the train car closest to the operator.
I feel so safe.
I received a phone call from Metro 2 days after my email, and a very VERY professional and courteous man spent a good amount of time discussing the situation with me.
Basically, the Metro transit police has about 400 officers employed to monitor over 80 Metro stations, 1,600 bus lines, and over 100 miles of railways throughout DC and the metro area. He explained that their resources are spread thin, and so every Metro station cannot be manned with an officer at all times (I just realized how sexist the verb "to man" is ... correction-- "every Metro station cannot be person-ed with an officer"). Therefore, it is sometimes faster to get the train to the officers rather than get the officers to the train.
Staffing, budget constraints, etc. etc. etc. and certainly not the answer I wanted to hear. Unfortunately, there was absolutely nothing this man could do to magically fix the problem.
So money and staffing aside, my biggest concern was the lack of communication on the part of the train operator. If the train is being moved and transit police have been (or will be) notified, shouldn't the passenger(s) know about it? Wouldn't an announcement by the conductor potentially deter the harassers?
Mr. Red Line Security Manager Man said that this was definitely a concern of his, and they were currently using the information I provided to identify which operator was running the train at the time. I think he'll get in trouble, which I'm not too happy about, but safety supersedes my guilt and hopefully this operator will not make the same mistake again.
Metro's advice? Ride in the train car closest to the operator.
I feel so safe.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Metro opens doors ... to danger and irresponsibility
*ahem*
I shall now tell you a very sad tale, particularly on a weekend where equality and differences in humanity are not only accepted, but celebrated.
9:15 on a Sunday evening in the friggin' bitter cold of a windy January (honestly, Dear Wind: we get it. It's windy. You blow. CUT IT OUT !!!! ... so obnoxious ...). Our train pulls into Judiciary Square when a slight ruckus breaks out on our Metro car. One man comes to my side of the car and pushes the call button, informing the train operator that there are two men harassing him and requesting that someone come immediately.
Indeed, they were harassing him- with anti-gay slurs and explicitly sexual remarks that were far from positive. They continued yelling at him from across the car. Everyone else froze- unsure whether they should intervene or not, and wondering how much they could tolerate ignoring this disgusting scene.
After a few minutes, the man pushed the call button again and said "Please help, please help" in a calm but insistent tone. Our train was holding on the platform due to maintenance at another station. The train operator asked for clarification as to what was happening in the car. 5 minutes had past, and no one from the transit police had arrived.
One of the harassers come over to my side of the car, pushed the call button, and said "Don't pay any attention to this mother fuckin' nigga". Still no response from the operator.
Another few minutes passed. The train was still being held at Judiciary Square. The two harassers, continuing their slurs and degradation, finally exited the train and went about their merry business.
By this time it had been 10 minutes since the man's first report to the operator. And still nothing. Then, the car doors closed and our train proceeded to the next stop. Only then did the operator make a loudspeaker call to transit police to come to our car for a reported assault. Two uniformed officers dashed into our car asking who had been assaulted.
The man and I explained the situation-- there was no physical assault, and the harassers had exited the Metro several minutes before and at another station. The officers' response: "Oh ... I'm sorry that happened."
Now ... should it take over 10 minutes for someone to intervene when a man is being harassed on the Metro? What can happen in 10 minutes? What happens when you close the doors on that person and take them to the next Metro stop, not knowing whether or not his harassers are still in the same car with him?
Appropriate letters to Metro supervisors and others are currently being drafted ...
I have a dream, too ... but last night I definitely woke up to reality :-( It's sad.
I shall now tell you a very sad tale, particularly on a weekend where equality and differences in humanity are not only accepted, but celebrated.
9:15 on a Sunday evening in the friggin' bitter cold of a windy January (honestly, Dear Wind: we get it. It's windy. You blow. CUT IT OUT !!!! ... so obnoxious ...). Our train pulls into Judiciary Square when a slight ruckus breaks out on our Metro car. One man comes to my side of the car and pushes the call button, informing the train operator that there are two men harassing him and requesting that someone come immediately.
Indeed, they were harassing him- with anti-gay slurs and explicitly sexual remarks that were far from positive. They continued yelling at him from across the car. Everyone else froze- unsure whether they should intervene or not, and wondering how much they could tolerate ignoring this disgusting scene.
After a few minutes, the man pushed the call button again and said "Please help, please help" in a calm but insistent tone. Our train was holding on the platform due to maintenance at another station. The train operator asked for clarification as to what was happening in the car. 5 minutes had past, and no one from the transit police had arrived.
One of the harassers come over to my side of the car, pushed the call button, and said "Don't pay any attention to this mother fuckin' nigga". Still no response from the operator.
Another few minutes passed. The train was still being held at Judiciary Square. The two harassers, continuing their slurs and degradation, finally exited the train and went about their merry business.
By this time it had been 10 minutes since the man's first report to the operator. And still nothing. Then, the car doors closed and our train proceeded to the next stop. Only then did the operator make a loudspeaker call to transit police to come to our car for a reported assault. Two uniformed officers dashed into our car asking who had been assaulted.
The man and I explained the situation-- there was no physical assault, and the harassers had exited the Metro several minutes before and at another station. The officers' response: "Oh ... I'm sorry that happened."
Now ... should it take over 10 minutes for someone to intervene when a man is being harassed on the Metro? What can happen in 10 minutes? What happens when you close the doors on that person and take them to the next Metro stop, not knowing whether or not his harassers are still in the same car with him?
Appropriate letters to Metro supervisors and others are currently being drafted ...
I have a dream, too ... but last night I definitely woke up to reality :-( It's sad.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Do you reuse your shopping bags?
Every Christmas I have the ultimate pleasure of perusing The Lakeland Ledger, the ultimate comprehensive guide to national news and the local to-do-s of Polk County.
Everyday The Ledger poses a question to the general public in their special segment called "Polk Pulse" (please note that The Pulse is the most frequented gay bar in Lakeland -- coincidence?). Yesterday's question was: "Do you reuse your shopping bags?"
I pray, pray, PRAY on bended knee that this person's response was really a satirical spoof, cleverly poking fun at conservatives. If this is a real person, may god have mercy on our souls.
I quote: "No, I don't reuse my shopping bags. I love it the way it upsets liberal idiots that think that 'Oh, you're going to save the trees, you got to reuse your plastic bags because our resources aren't infinite.' Actually, they are. I don't reuse my bags. I think anybody that says you should ought to be shot."
I find myself, probably for the first time in my entire life, completely speechless.
I'm imagining a world where everyone wanders around assuming that natural resources are automatically replaced once tapped, and that people who care about the earth we live on should no longer have the privilege of existence.
Peace on earth, but screw the earth itself. Huh???
Everyday The Ledger poses a question to the general public in their special segment called "Polk Pulse" (please note that The Pulse is the most frequented gay bar in Lakeland -- coincidence?). Yesterday's question was: "Do you reuse your shopping bags?"
I pray, pray, PRAY on bended knee that this person's response was really a satirical spoof, cleverly poking fun at conservatives. If this is a real person, may god have mercy on our souls.
I quote: "No, I don't reuse my shopping bags. I love it the way it upsets liberal idiots that think that 'Oh, you're going to save the trees, you got to reuse your plastic bags because our resources aren't infinite.' Actually, they are. I don't reuse my bags. I think anybody that says you should ought to be shot."
I find myself, probably for the first time in my entire life, completely speechless.
I'm imagining a world where everyone wanders around assuming that natural resources are automatically replaced once tapped, and that people who care about the earth we live on should no longer have the privilege of existence.
Peace on earth, but screw the earth itself. Huh???
Thursday, November 23, 2006
have your cake and eat it too much
We are a fat country that likes to avoid responsibility. For example, we don't mind that we are physically unappealing as sexual partners to other human beings, but god forbid if this morbid obesity would negatively impact our health! All this was made very clear to me in a recent CNN report on "resveratrol".
The report was as such: "Are you fat? Are you concerned that your clogged arteries will eventually cease their unheard plea for relief and finally collapse under the pressure of a cardiovascular system that's working so exorbitantly hard it's a wonder that the heart hasn't burst through your rib cage from mere expenditure of energy? Well good news, America! There's a substance called resveratrol. But don't worry! You can still be fat, gross, and completely repulsive even in dim lighting! Resveratrol will keep you healthy, despite your obnoxiously obese state of being!" (please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resveratrol for more information)
This news brief inspired me to consume an immense amount of cake in the past few weeks (along with the psychological trauma of being kicked in the face by my faculty at school). Here is my account of my caloric rampage:
Chicken Out – chocolate cake, fudge frosting
I know, I know. No place that's named Chicken Out should actually be frequented by people who aren't from Alabama, but hold on friends- this chocolate rocked my friggin' world. For locations near you please visit: http://www.chickenout.com
Cheesecake Factory – Chris' Outrageous Chocolate Cake
From the menu: "Layers of Moist Chocolate Cake, Chewy Brownie, Toasted Coconut Pecan Filling and Creamy Chocolate Chip Coconut Cheesecake". Well … just reading that makes me moist, toasted, and creamy all at once. This Chris fellow can chew, layer, and fill my coconut cake anytime (good lord, does that even make sense? This is where attempts at seductive dirty talk fall flat like a frat boy after homecoming)
Starbucks – Carrot Cake and Cranberry Bliss Bar
I root for carrot cake above all other cakes (if you get the pun I'll give you $100), especially when it is given to you for free along with a cranberry bliss bar (slightly disappointed, to be honest). I think the barista was hoping for some carrot bliss action in exchange for the free cake …
Soho – Chocolate Cake
Orgasmic, if you can tolerate the barista who looks like he accidentally mistook a porcupine for a suppository.
Kramer's – Death by Chocolate
Again, orgasmic (note: the French word for orgasm is "la petite mort", or "the little death")
Bread and Chocolate – The Oprah
God only knows why they named a piece of cake "Oprah", but I have to chuckle every time I think about saying "I wanna piece-a Oprah!!!"
Buca di Beppo – Chocolate Vesuvio
It's a humungous slice of chocolate-caramel cake stood up on its end, with one scoop of vanilla ice cream on each side. If your imagination cooks at high enough a temperature, you may even melt the ice cream…
The report was as such: "Are you fat? Are you concerned that your clogged arteries will eventually cease their unheard plea for relief and finally collapse under the pressure of a cardiovascular system that's working so exorbitantly hard it's a wonder that the heart hasn't burst through your rib cage from mere expenditure of energy? Well good news, America! There's a substance called resveratrol. But don't worry! You can still be fat, gross, and completely repulsive even in dim lighting! Resveratrol will keep you healthy, despite your obnoxiously obese state of being!" (please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resveratrol for more information)
This news brief inspired me to consume an immense amount of cake in the past few weeks (along with the psychological trauma of being kicked in the face by my faculty at school). Here is my account of my caloric rampage:
Chicken Out – chocolate cake, fudge frosting
I know, I know. No place that's named Chicken Out should actually be frequented by people who aren't from Alabama, but hold on friends- this chocolate rocked my friggin' world. For locations near you please visit: http://www.chickenout.com
Cheesecake Factory – Chris' Outrageous Chocolate Cake
From the menu: "Layers of Moist Chocolate Cake, Chewy Brownie, Toasted Coconut Pecan Filling and Creamy Chocolate Chip Coconut Cheesecake". Well … just reading that makes me moist, toasted, and creamy all at once. This Chris fellow can chew, layer, and fill my coconut cake anytime (good lord, does that even make sense? This is where attempts at seductive dirty talk fall flat like a frat boy after homecoming)
Starbucks – Carrot Cake and Cranberry Bliss Bar
I root for carrot cake above all other cakes (if you get the pun I'll give you $100), especially when it is given to you for free along with a cranberry bliss bar (slightly disappointed, to be honest). I think the barista was hoping for some carrot bliss action in exchange for the free cake …
Soho – Chocolate Cake
Orgasmic, if you can tolerate the barista who looks like he accidentally mistook a porcupine for a suppository.
Kramer's – Death by Chocolate
Again, orgasmic (note: the French word for orgasm is "la petite mort", or "the little death")
Bread and Chocolate – The Oprah
God only knows why they named a piece of cake "Oprah", but I have to chuckle every time I think about saying "I wanna piece-a Oprah!!!"
Buca di Beppo – Chocolate Vesuvio
It's a humungous slice of chocolate-caramel cake stood up on its end, with one scoop of vanilla ice cream on each side. If your imagination cooks at high enough a temperature, you may even melt the ice cream…
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Jesus, money, and sex
I know what you're thinking- "what do Jesus, money, and sex have to do with one another???" And then you start thinking about the temple and the money changers, and Jesus' alleged prostitute wife (don't look at me, blame Dan Brown). And suddenly I feel like we should be chanting "Jerry … Jerry !!!" whenever we crack open the holy book.
But before I step on any more toes (hey! he just washed those feet!), I shall share what religious sentiments have floated my way in the past few weeks:
-"Chaplain Gordon Klingenschmitt sues Congress for suppressing his First Amendment rights to pray in the name of Jesus at public ceremonies for the Navy."
I wonder if Chaplain Klingenschmitt ever considered how a gay person in the military feels when they cannot exercise their right to freedom of speech by disclosing their sexuality? Hmm… I guess it's alright- this poor guy probably has pent up aggression due to an embarrassingly longwinded last name (NO Gordon, you may NOT go out to recess until you've spelled your last name correctly!! – DAMMIT!!!!!!!!)
-A sign on campus advertising a seminar, and I precisely quote: "using scienctific facts to prove bible is true!"
I suppose correct spelling isn't valued in the scientific community, but I would recommend that this bible study group do some dictionary-thumping as well before they start explaining the trufth.
-CNN did a report on an "ATM for Jesus", in which a church had set up a "giving kiosk" where you could charge your offerings to the church by debit or credit card.
Right … So I'm imagining it's like at a restaurant when they bring you the bill (one entree of righteousness, a side of blessing-biscuits, and two filtered holy waters) and then you have to fill in the amount for the tip (Holy crap! Tax is 10%, and then another 10% for tithing!!! Then I have to tip this friggin' server on top of that???). It's OK, just slide your card and Jabez will multiply your earnings ten fold …
And that about wraps up our religious debriefing for the evening (and no, not that kind of de-briefing Mr. Foley! You can be religious and off your knees, you know…). Good night!
But before I step on any more toes (hey! he just washed those feet!), I shall share what religious sentiments have floated my way in the past few weeks:
-"Chaplain Gordon Klingenschmitt sues Congress for suppressing his First Amendment rights to pray in the name of Jesus at public ceremonies for the Navy."
I wonder if Chaplain Klingenschmitt ever considered how a gay person in the military feels when they cannot exercise their right to freedom of speech by disclosing their sexuality? Hmm… I guess it's alright- this poor guy probably has pent up aggression due to an embarrassingly longwinded last name (NO Gordon, you may NOT go out to recess until you've spelled your last name correctly!! – DAMMIT!!!!!!!!)
-A sign on campus advertising a seminar, and I precisely quote: "using scienctific facts to prove bible is true!"
I suppose correct spelling isn't valued in the scientific community, but I would recommend that this bible study group do some dictionary-thumping as well before they start explaining the trufth.
-CNN did a report on an "ATM for Jesus", in which a church had set up a "giving kiosk" where you could charge your offerings to the church by debit or credit card.
Right … So I'm imagining it's like at a restaurant when they bring you the bill (one entree of righteousness, a side of blessing-biscuits, and two filtered holy waters) and then you have to fill in the amount for the tip (Holy crap! Tax is 10%, and then another 10% for tithing!!! Then I have to tip this friggin' server on top of that???). It's OK, just slide your card and Jabez will multiply your earnings ten fold …
And that about wraps up our religious debriefing for the evening (and no, not that kind of de-briefing Mr. Foley! You can be religious and off your knees, you know…). Good night!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Protest Journal, 22 October 2006
October 22, 2006
I feel like the protest reached its climax yesterday with the parade. My only concern is that the peak of excitement and support will only give way to lessened commitment to the cause and weakened enthusiasm to keep the battle up. Alumni are leaving, students are slowly working their way back into their schedules, and the administration is biding its time simply waiting for everything to go back to "normal".
Normal??? Will Gallaudet ever know what that means again?
"Normal" would hardly describe my experience at Gallaudet since the protests began last May. "Normal" means ignoring the world around you. "Normal" means not paying attention to the neglect and atrocities that are constantly swirling in an endless flurry of complicated emotions. It's like ignoring a disastrous storm and pretending that nothing is going on outside even though your home is crashing down around you.
Is Gallaudet crashing? The administration would rather we weather the storm; are they prepared to deal with the clean up?
Think about hurricane Katrina: Will the survivors of the storm ever go back to "normal"? The government would like to think so. The tourism industry would like to think so. Ignoring the storm and refusing to deal with the serious consequences of the events, regardless of who is responsible, is a failure to identify the real issues surrounding the circumstances of people that are theoretically supposed to be "cared for". The government has an obligation to take care of its citizens and survivors of Katrina; Gallaudet has an obligation to take care of its students. Both have failed.
The parade was amazing. While walking along 8th street we came to a slight hill and I looked back to see how many people were following the march. The crowd went on for blocks and blocks. No matter what the affiliation or agenda or … how do I say this?... Despite the seemingly "conflicted" issues that have presented themselves during the protest, the mere number of individuals who were willing to give up their Saturday to make a stand for something they believe in was simply inspiring. The so-called "dissenters" casually strolled for an hour up to the Capitol: chatting, smiling, seeing old friends, and reinforcing the sense of community.
In reading King's letters and Fernandes' interviews with the press one might imagine that the participants of the protest were a rowdy crowd of animals trampling over the "paradise" of Gallaudet. I looked around me at the march- where were the angry faces? Where was the "chaos"? The "terrorism"? That is (verbatim) what Fernandes has called the protest. I didn't see it.
The tactics of the administration are slowly becoming more apparent to the general public. Whenever I am out in DC and people see me signing with friends they immediately begin discussing the protest – and I eavesdrop. 2 weeks ago people were saying "I don't really understand what's going on. What's wrong with Fernandes anyway?" Now they have started to say "Wow, things are really happening over there. I really don't see why she doesn't just quit. The students have made their case… how can she be so stubborn?"
There were two articles in the Post on Friday that further illustrated the confusion and mixed messages circling the protest. The first article discussed the disagreement between members of the Board of Trustees and some of their calls for Fernandes to resign. It was a fair balance between the protestor's demands and the responsiveness (or lack of responsiveness, as it were) of the administration. I was pleased with it. The second article seemed more like an editorial, and depicted the struggle of poor Fernandes in her pursuit for success despite the monstrosity of obstacles in her path. The articles painted very different pictures of the situation at Gallaudet; any reader should be able to identify the lack of congruence between the two, thereby knowing that while the administration attempts to distribute "factual" information regarding the situation on campus it is obvious flawed and construed to fit their own agenda.
And what is the administration's agenda? Ah… to get back to "normal", of course.
I feel like the protest reached its climax yesterday with the parade. My only concern is that the peak of excitement and support will only give way to lessened commitment to the cause and weakened enthusiasm to keep the battle up. Alumni are leaving, students are slowly working their way back into their schedules, and the administration is biding its time simply waiting for everything to go back to "normal".
Normal??? Will Gallaudet ever know what that means again?
"Normal" would hardly describe my experience at Gallaudet since the protests began last May. "Normal" means ignoring the world around you. "Normal" means not paying attention to the neglect and atrocities that are constantly swirling in an endless flurry of complicated emotions. It's like ignoring a disastrous storm and pretending that nothing is going on outside even though your home is crashing down around you.
Is Gallaudet crashing? The administration would rather we weather the storm; are they prepared to deal with the clean up?
Think about hurricane Katrina: Will the survivors of the storm ever go back to "normal"? The government would like to think so. The tourism industry would like to think so. Ignoring the storm and refusing to deal with the serious consequences of the events, regardless of who is responsible, is a failure to identify the real issues surrounding the circumstances of people that are theoretically supposed to be "cared for". The government has an obligation to take care of its citizens and survivors of Katrina; Gallaudet has an obligation to take care of its students. Both have failed.
The parade was amazing. While walking along 8th street we came to a slight hill and I looked back to see how many people were following the march. The crowd went on for blocks and blocks. No matter what the affiliation or agenda or … how do I say this?... Despite the seemingly "conflicted" issues that have presented themselves during the protest, the mere number of individuals who were willing to give up their Saturday to make a stand for something they believe in was simply inspiring. The so-called "dissenters" casually strolled for an hour up to the Capitol: chatting, smiling, seeing old friends, and reinforcing the sense of community.
In reading King's letters and Fernandes' interviews with the press one might imagine that the participants of the protest were a rowdy crowd of animals trampling over the "paradise" of Gallaudet. I looked around me at the march- where were the angry faces? Where was the "chaos"? The "terrorism"? That is (verbatim) what Fernandes has called the protest. I didn't see it.
The tactics of the administration are slowly becoming more apparent to the general public. Whenever I am out in DC and people see me signing with friends they immediately begin discussing the protest – and I eavesdrop. 2 weeks ago people were saying "I don't really understand what's going on. What's wrong with Fernandes anyway?" Now they have started to say "Wow, things are really happening over there. I really don't see why she doesn't just quit. The students have made their case… how can she be so stubborn?"
There were two articles in the Post on Friday that further illustrated the confusion and mixed messages circling the protest. The first article discussed the disagreement between members of the Board of Trustees and some of their calls for Fernandes to resign. It was a fair balance between the protestor's demands and the responsiveness (or lack of responsiveness, as it were) of the administration. I was pleased with it. The second article seemed more like an editorial, and depicted the struggle of poor Fernandes in her pursuit for success despite the monstrosity of obstacles in her path. The articles painted very different pictures of the situation at Gallaudet; any reader should be able to identify the lack of congruence between the two, thereby knowing that while the administration attempts to distribute "factual" information regarding the situation on campus it is obvious flawed and construed to fit their own agenda.
And what is the administration's agenda? Ah… to get back to "normal", of course.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Protest Journal, 18 October 2006
October 18, 2006
This is my first journal of which there should have already been many. Fatigue coupled with emotional upheaval (not to mention laziness) are mostly to blame, and I would like to make up for that by reflecting on all that has happened over the past few weeks… months, rather, here at Gallaudet with regard to the protest over the appointment of Jane Fernandes as the 9th President of the University.
It's been a nightmare, to put it lightly. I don't even know where to begin.
The curse of being a counseling student is the constant awareness of one's emotions, one's reactions to situations, and the unending analysis of the relationship between the two. Since Fernandes' announcement at the end of the spring semester I have been incessantly grappling with myself over my position, my involvement, my level of commitment, and my overall emotional well being.
Most of these had plateau-ed during the summer, and have only begun to change and take shape in the past month when the issues became increasingly more visible and … desperate. Time is running out.
Honestly… I don't know where to begin.
I have never been happy with the administration at Gallaudet. Everywhere you turn there are ridiculous and tedious rules that appear to exist for no reason. A rule can only be as strong as the rationale behind it; Gallaudet has always been lacking in its explanation of how its structure is built. "Welcome to Gallaudet" is an expression used most frequently by incoming freshman and 1st year graduate students meant to shrug off the frustrations of a system that obviously doesn't have its students' best interests in mind.
We have seen that attitude become abundantly clear in the past month's events.
I have seen many changes. My personal opinion of the protest has remained mostly the same since May: I do support the ideas of eliminating the "isms" of the current system, of having a diversified faculty, staff, and administration, and of unity for a common cause. My only issue with the protest from the beginning has been the varied agendas fought behind a common banner, cheapening some of the values I had and goals I supported.
Due to the gravity of the situation and the crucial need for solidarity in our voice to combat the administration, my initial hesitance to support the protest for the aforementioned reasons has fallen by the wayside. Yes, there are multiple agendas. Yes, some people are fighting for what I consider to be the "wrong" reasons. Yes, MANY new demands and calls for changes to the University that were not included in the original protest in May have been added.
It doesn't matter. The system must be changed. The issues must be addressed. Only by numbers and unity can this be accomplished, despite the confusion and chaos between agendas and purposes.
My concerns have been put aside. Those are to be addressed should Fernandes resign and the selection committee continues their work to find a new President.
It has been a difficult week. I have been suppressed from discussing the protest with my students at Kendall. I have seen letter after letter be sent in opposition to Fernandes, and continuously ignored by the administration and Board of Trustees. I have seen friends and peers cry. I have seen myself cry. We are all upset, and we are all hurting.
I have learned about sacrifice. I have learned to accept that sacrifice for a cause is important, and that some things must take a backseat- including my own education. How much am I willing to sacrifice for the protest??? I don't know. But more than I thought I would, that is for certain.
I have seen people look me square in the face and say "this protest doesn't effect the academic education of the students" at Kendall. I have seen the PR office distribute lie after lie about the "dissenters". I have watched an administration stall and hope that the momentum of the protest will die out. Perhaps it will … many people who are uninformed about the issues would like that.
I heard my own elementary students at Kendall say "I don't feel safe" the night of the arrests. I have cried so many times over this that I can't believe it. That one moment will remain fused in my emotional hardwiring for quite a long while. The ONE place where deaf children should feel safe- from oppression, from the hearing world… from a world that doesn't understand them and their extraordinary uniqueness- wasn't safe for them.
I'm crying even now.
How can that one moment affect me so strongly?
I've had it.
This is my first journal of which there should have already been many. Fatigue coupled with emotional upheaval (not to mention laziness) are mostly to blame, and I would like to make up for that by reflecting on all that has happened over the past few weeks… months, rather, here at Gallaudet with regard to the protest over the appointment of Jane Fernandes as the 9th President of the University.
It's been a nightmare, to put it lightly. I don't even know where to begin.
The curse of being a counseling student is the constant awareness of one's emotions, one's reactions to situations, and the unending analysis of the relationship between the two. Since Fernandes' announcement at the end of the spring semester I have been incessantly grappling with myself over my position, my involvement, my level of commitment, and my overall emotional well being.
Most of these had plateau-ed during the summer, and have only begun to change and take shape in the past month when the issues became increasingly more visible and … desperate. Time is running out.
Honestly… I don't know where to begin.
I have never been happy with the administration at Gallaudet. Everywhere you turn there are ridiculous and tedious rules that appear to exist for no reason. A rule can only be as strong as the rationale behind it; Gallaudet has always been lacking in its explanation of how its structure is built. "Welcome to Gallaudet" is an expression used most frequently by incoming freshman and 1st year graduate students meant to shrug off the frustrations of a system that obviously doesn't have its students' best interests in mind.
We have seen that attitude become abundantly clear in the past month's events.
I have seen many changes. My personal opinion of the protest has remained mostly the same since May: I do support the ideas of eliminating the "isms" of the current system, of having a diversified faculty, staff, and administration, and of unity for a common cause. My only issue with the protest from the beginning has been the varied agendas fought behind a common banner, cheapening some of the values I had and goals I supported.
Due to the gravity of the situation and the crucial need for solidarity in our voice to combat the administration, my initial hesitance to support the protest for the aforementioned reasons has fallen by the wayside. Yes, there are multiple agendas. Yes, some people are fighting for what I consider to be the "wrong" reasons. Yes, MANY new demands and calls for changes to the University that were not included in the original protest in May have been added.
It doesn't matter. The system must be changed. The issues must be addressed. Only by numbers and unity can this be accomplished, despite the confusion and chaos between agendas and purposes.
My concerns have been put aside. Those are to be addressed should Fernandes resign and the selection committee continues their work to find a new President.
It has been a difficult week. I have been suppressed from discussing the protest with my students at Kendall. I have seen letter after letter be sent in opposition to Fernandes, and continuously ignored by the administration and Board of Trustees. I have seen friends and peers cry. I have seen myself cry. We are all upset, and we are all hurting.
I have learned about sacrifice. I have learned to accept that sacrifice for a cause is important, and that some things must take a backseat- including my own education. How much am I willing to sacrifice for the protest??? I don't know. But more than I thought I would, that is for certain.
I have seen people look me square in the face and say "this protest doesn't effect the academic education of the students" at Kendall. I have seen the PR office distribute lie after lie about the "dissenters". I have watched an administration stall and hope that the momentum of the protest will die out. Perhaps it will … many people who are uninformed about the issues would like that.
I heard my own elementary students at Kendall say "I don't feel safe" the night of the arrests. I have cried so many times over this that I can't believe it. That one moment will remain fused in my emotional hardwiring for quite a long while. The ONE place where deaf children should feel safe- from oppression, from the hearing world… from a world that doesn't understand them and their extraordinary uniqueness- wasn't safe for them.
I'm crying even now.
How can that one moment affect me so strongly?
I've had it.
Saturday, August 5, 2006
Masturbate-a-thon
Title of the Yahoo! News headline:
"Hundreds expected to come to Masturbate-a-thon"
Now were they just being naughty, or do I read too much into things? And why do they have this section of the webpage labeled "Offbeat" news ???
Apparently for safe sex purposes, Marie Stropes International of Britain is hosting a fund"raise"er to increase awareness of HIV, AIDS, and just how gross it is to see some people jerking off.
Different rooms will be set up (comfort area, mixed area, and male or female-only rooms), participants must be 18 or older (I'd suggest a limit up to 40), and "the amount you raise depends on how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve".
First of all, this is obvious discrimination against men since we can pop the cork within a minute and general take at least a half-hour to recharge the batteries.
The police in Britain have given their approval *clap clap clap* ... wait, or is it *slap slap slap* ? I'm sure that Scotland Yard will be on "hand" to oversee the sea of flesh (remember, British police dont carry pistols, just nightsticks - ironically, the participants will already be beating themselves).
Now, will we allow our American prudery to interfere with a worthwhile cause to education, enlighten, and encourage public masturbation? NO, we must refrain from blowing our load of conservative discreteness in their faces.
To anyone who takes issue with the Brits, all I can say is- "Get a grip".
"Hundreds expected to come to Masturbate-a-thon"
Now were they just being naughty, or do I read too much into things? And why do they have this section of the webpage labeled "Offbeat" news ???
Apparently for safe sex purposes, Marie Stropes International of Britain is hosting a fund"raise"er to increase awareness of HIV, AIDS, and just how gross it is to see some people jerking off.
Different rooms will be set up (comfort area, mixed area, and male or female-only rooms), participants must be 18 or older (I'd suggest a limit up to 40), and "the amount you raise depends on how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve".
First of all, this is obvious discrimination against men since we can pop the cork within a minute and general take at least a half-hour to recharge the batteries.
The police in Britain have given their approval *clap clap clap* ... wait, or is it *slap slap slap* ? I'm sure that Scotland Yard will be on "hand" to oversee the sea of flesh (remember, British police dont carry pistols, just nightsticks - ironically, the participants will already be beating themselves).
Now, will we allow our American prudery to interfere with a worthwhile cause to education, enlighten, and encourage public masturbation? NO, we must refrain from blowing our load of conservative discreteness in their faces.
To anyone who takes issue with the Brits, all I can say is- "Get a grip".
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